I know that I am just babbling about the same stuff over and over but I just need a place to get this stuff off my chest. It is really funny though, the more money I make in Japan the less happy I am. I had a great time when I lived in Iwate and only made around 2000 dollars a month. It's unbelievable now though. Even making over 3000 dollars a month now living in Tokyo I am still paying off my student loans so I am sending about 4 to 500 dollars a month back the USA every month.
I could have never done that before with previous jobs. I was lucky to make the minimum payments after paying rent. I wish I would have been more realistic in college when I was requesting loans. Of course I did not most of that money but in retrospect, I wish that I had been more frugal. I only have about 10,000 dollars left to pay off and I know that isn't a lot compared to some people when they graduate college but I just have this huge weight on me because I am thinking about this debt all of the time.
The worst thing about this whole situation is that I know that if I move back to the USA now I will have wasted me entire college education and thrown away a huge chance to teach in Japan that many people want to do. Since I've gotten into the hardest program there is to get into, I just feel like an idiot throwing away this chance. I have re-contracted in Hokkaido for one more year for now. I hope that by the end of my 2nd year here I will have my JLPT N1 and I can move onto a better paying job and stop teaching. It's not that I hate teaching but I don't feel like I am putting my skills to full use being here in Hokkaido teaching. More than anything though, I miss being on the main island of Japan. I don't understand how people can live in the same area there entire life if they are from a remote area.
Some of my students that are graduating from high school this year are moving to the Kanto area around Tokyo and I can't help but relate to them. If I grew up here, I would do the exact same thing.